I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
