remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
