Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
