Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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