you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Girls should come with a carfax report
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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