Can i not drive my cunt home
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
