She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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