I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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