for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
