My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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