I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
