Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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