remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The best revenge is premature balding
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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