Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
