We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
