I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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