She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
