Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
