Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
