did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
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