i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize