I just cut my nipple shaving
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
