Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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