Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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