Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
