I only kidnapped one of them. chill
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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