Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
