you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
