i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize