i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
