the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
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