Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Bring me that man meat
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
