His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
