is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
