We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
