i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
