I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
