I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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