she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Barsexuality is the new black.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
