Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
