Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
