just come out here and I will go home with you...
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
