I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So. Much. Porn.
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