I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
