12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
