I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
