I look better un-naked...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
