i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
