How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
