My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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