Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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