a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
