You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
