So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
