Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
