guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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