I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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