next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
