sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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