"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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