I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
