What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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