he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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