The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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