Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
