i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
