I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize