Moan for me like Helen Keller
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
