I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
