i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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