Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize