life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
