I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
